things aren't always as they seem

Elevator Etiquette

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I think that the new employee orientation at my agency should include a section on elevator etiquette. I say this out of a desire for self-preservation. (I have to take the elevator going up, ever since I sprained my knee, due to the pain. I can take the stairs going down, and I do.)

It starts with the Ding! and the up/down arrow, announcing the arrival of the elevator. These people (unfortunately, there is more than one), hearing the Ding!, position themselves right outside the door, within inches, lower their heads like a challenging bull and charge in as the doors are opening, acting as if no one else exists in the world (or in the elevator).

All I can say to that is . . . OW! and STOP IT! and PLEASE LET ME OUT OF THE ELEVATOR!

A little elevator etiquette will go a long way in making the workplace a little less dangerous. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? That this will never happen? Thought so.

Here is my Plan B: Each elevator will have one nerf baseball bat or similarly shaped object. The Ding! that announces the arrival in the lobby of each floor will be piped into the elevator as well, so that those on the inside have just as much warning as those on the outside as to when the doors will open. An elevator passenger picks up the Nerf Exit Defense Object (NEDO) and is in the middle front of the elevator, at the ready.

When the doors open, this Defender bursts out of the elevator, beating away the challenging bulls who are trying to ram their way in. (No one actually gets hurt.) The Defender ensures safe passage for the innocent, the wounded (me), the people whose hands are full with their breakfast tacos from the snack truck. My hero!

When the last person exits the elevator, the Defender replaces the NEDO for the next time. Eventually, those charging bulls will learn a little elevator etiquette, even if they don’t want to.

Okay, Plan B isn’t going to happen either. But I can dream, can’t I?

Postaday2011 #57


Author: Tresha Barger

Writer (blogs, humor, short stories, poetry) and artist (miniature art quilts, watercolor paintings, soft sculpture dolls)

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